Drowning

I hesitate to start this post because it seems so melodramatic even to myself.

I’ve been having stomach problems again. Poor food choices and stress have combined to give me what seems like chronic diarrhea. Is a week long enough to say chronic? It’s gotten to look like cornflakes and I’ve seen enough blood that I can’t deny it’s there. Even to myself.

In any case, I’m eating imodium like it’s my job. Gas-x too. The gas cramps and pressure keep me up at night and make it hard to sit or stand. I don’t want to wear pants because of the pressure but I’m scared to wear a dress in case I can’t make it in time.

Running is pretty much out of the question, but I’m forcing myself to continue with strength training. Made it 3 times this past week, and am pushing myself with (slightly) heavier weights. As much as I enjoy strength training, it doesn’t help my anxiety.

Everyone around me seems to be going into full meltdown mode. Some of it is from my need to be fairly close to a toilet. Some of it is entirely independent of me – mom flipped out on me about a prescription for heart pills. She hasn’t had it for over 2 weeks. Her prescription ran out, the visiting home health aide insists she goes back to her specialist for a refill, but was willing to call in one months worth. Mom said the pharmacy won’t fill it because of Medicare laws even though she’s on Medicaid.

She’s mad at me for not taking the day off work to drive 3 hours to pick her up and take her to a specialist. Stop being so selfish you might be thinking. Then you throw in the fact my brother and his son could barely get her up the stairs into her house, and she hasn’t left since then. And the bedbugs. It’s hard for me to reconcile. I picture having to call the rescue squad to get her into the door, if I could even get her out. Never mind the 6+ hour round trip when I have 3 brothers who either live with or less than 15 minutes away.

There’s other minor things. There always are. But I feel like I’m drowning.

Oh dairy, why do you hate me so? (Weekly Recap)

The best laid plans of mice and men ironically go wrong when dairy is introduced. We all know what happens with mouse traps, but dairy has also knocked me off track this past week as well. My intention was to start posting a recap of my week on Mondays and a second general post on Thursdays.

Last week I did spin Monday, arms and core (weights) Tuesday, ran after work Wednesday, had a hard time fitting in workouts Thursday/Friday trying to make up time at work for a mammogram and then getting to said mammogram. My water intake followed that same pattern, crushed it Monday- Wednesday, started dropping off Thursday/ Friday, and then the cheese truck hit me.

My lactose intolerance is one of those things I’ll never understand. Not because I love it more than any other food on Earth, but because there are times I can eat it and be totally fine and other times I’ll be doubled over with cramps.

Giving up dairy was going to be one of my heavier goals for the year. I thought I would start out with some easier ones. Water intake, step count, more vegetables, exercise, then once I was feeling like I was making good progress, I’d tackle my phone habit and dairy problem.

Nate has guys come over for Poker every other Saturday, and enjoys making food for them. This weekend he decided to keep it lowkey with sloppy joes, cocktail weenies in barbecue, veggies and chips with dip. The texture of sloppy joes is weird for me. I had some cocktail weenies and cheese cubes. Later I had veggies and dip.

I’ve been a wreck since then. I’m scared to stray too far from the bathroom, I’m super bloated, my body feels weak, and my guts sound like chupacabra is in them and they ache. Needless to say, I’ve not been drinking enough water, or running the last couple days.

I feel like I should tackle my dairy problem earlier than intended but I’m not sure that I’m up for this challenge yet. I am going to continue my water goal, and add a step goal in. I will work towards hitting my Garmin suggested goal every day. I’m not going to lie- it’s currently closer to 7,000 than 10,000 steps, but it was nearly 5,000 last month due to inactivity on my part. I’ve been reading articles about how 10,000 steps is arbitrary and chosen because the Chinese character for 10,000 resembled the brand logo for the original pedometer. (I’m not trying to v discourage anyone from that goal, just saying it may not be appropriate or necessary for everyone.)